Hello everyone,

I have been away for long, but my life has been quite hectic between studying for my masters degree & my 24-hour ICU shifts & of course, the boyfriend.. It has been quite intensive for me. Today, I have decided to sit down & watch a movie “It has been quite a long long time since I last watched a movie” & the choice was Coco Chanel (2008).

The least I can say about this movie is un morceau classique, a masterpiece awaiting recognition, a sensational movie that surpasses all biographies you’ve ever seen.

Ever since I was a little boy, I have always heard about the signature designers Dior, Chanel, Yves saint Laurent, Ralph Lauren & many others, I guess that is attributed to the fact that I belong to a fashion-aware family but I always thought that those guys are just successful designs that found the easy way to engrave their names in the fashion world.

Watching Coco Chanel, I realized that Chanel just like any other designer has gone through a long road of hard work & cold nights to build the brand name Chanel starting from hats to dresses & finally into their first perfume Chanel Numero Cinq “Chanel Number 5″ that I am quite sure is still one of the best classical fragrances in the market now “I have asked for a price at Mazzaya and It happened to cost 700 something L.E per 100 ml bottle”.

The very able actress Shirley MacLaine has surpassed herself creating the eccentric character of Mrs. Coco Chanel in the post-WWII era & saving her brand name for an eminent failure & bankruptcy, An amazing performance that takes you with every scene into a place of silk, Kashmir, beautiful fragrances & the beauty of simplicity of Chanel products.

A line of products that was designed for simplicity, practicality & to conquer with style. Coco has created a new word into our everyday language, a word of elegance, a word of style, a word that everyone knows. Have you ever admired someone’s dress or bag & when asking her, she said “it is Chanel” ?

Christian Duguay, a not that well-known TV director have created scenes so mesmerizing taking you back & forth through the life of Coco Chanel since her childhood up to her old days, a sensational experience.

For all the girls out there, Fashion divas & the real down-to-the-core gays, This is a movie that you’ll take up to your hall of honor, to your hidden DVD collection of movies that you’ll watch till the day you die.. Something like “Chicago” & “My Fair Lady”.

Finally, I leave you with my latest graphic creations, I like to call it “The Burning Confessions”, I hope you like it.

Here’s a short story I found in my garbage folder that I chose not to publish .. I guess it is about time for it to see the light “Grammatical errors were left intentionally”:

She paced on her way to the train, she could hear her footsteps along the wet pavement ticking like the clock of destiny, heading towards another life, another place; in an attempt to heal her bleeding open wounds.. she stepped into the train just as it was moving.. Sighing heavily and adjusting her posture as she headed for her compartment.

"You’re the best thing that happened to me ever" she remembered those words, feeling bitter, swallowing and looking at the rain outside the window.  Maybe angels were crying for her, she tried to hard to smile to the thought but something was holding her lips back from smiling.

It wasn’t long ago when they first met, when he locked his eyes on her with every move and every gesture, she felt that as if she was naked in a crowded room, Yet, time stood still, it was only them looking at each other.  People seemed to dematerialize and fade, noise seemed to die out and it was just them and the thin air.  He approached her slowly with a smile drawn on his face that melted her eyes and said:

"May I have your ticket please?" She handed him the ticket and looked again at the window that was been wet with pearly drops of rain.

"Thank you, Meme." She nodded in approval and looked again outside, she seemed to be anticipating some miracle to happen out there; she was in another world though, a world where she smiled, laughed and loved life, a world that no more existed for her.

It was a beautiful English afternoon, with a slight warm breeze flowing in the air, making a little sound as if angels were singing in another plane far away. They walked together on the beautiful green grass, she always loved the colour green, it was so pure, divine and natural to her.  They were talking, laughing and smiling when she realized something, something that made her very worried!

She was not a woman without a past; she had many broken hearts before that took forever to heal.  However, now her whole world revolved around him and that scared her beyond belief.  It was another afternoon when he said those words to her, the words any woman would be dying to hear from any man, and the words that can turn her life upside down.

She became so confused, afraid and unsure about what to do, that’s when she decided to run away, she had to disappear, and she wouldn’t be repeating this mistake again.  She wouldn’t survive another broken heart; she was sure another one would be the end of her.

She kicked the thought of him from her mind as she watched the quick flow of green scenes through the window.  The sun was setting at the horizon adding a mesmerizing red hue on her window and into her hazel eyes, but the thought wouldn’t go away, it has engulfed her ever single thought.  She sighed in pain.

That’s when she took the train away, to think and to revaluate her whole life, pending thoughts, her pain and her wounds.  She needed time alone, she needed time to think uninfluenced, and it was so sudden, she did not tell anyone; she just ran away scared and worried.

That afternoon, She was in the city when she heard the terrible news.  She couldn’t hold her eyes from pouring tears in public, it was so much that too handle.  They did not know each other for long but, it was said, the words were said.. but he didn’t fight, he didn’t hold on her.. he just chose to forget!

Back then, she felt strained, suffocating from his shadow on her, he would make her do things she wouldn’t do ever, she did not like the thought of being so constrained, she always felt independent and she was not one to subdue to thoughts of another being – no matter what.  Then again, she did not understand why she was crying, why she could feel heaviness in her chest, bitterness in her mouth and why her hands were shaking.  She left the city and took the train back, to ask him.

The rain stopped, she stepped out of the train and walked into the station, she could still hear the clocks of destiny ticking.tick, tock, tick, tock.

Then something stopped her, something held her back; a thought that had been hiding in the folds of her memories and mind, something told her not to do it, not to ask him, not to be there, she stopped in her tracks.

It’s all done, no matter what she will do, it is done, and what happened was just an illusion, a lie – a lie that had been mixed with torture & confusion, an impossible relation.  She turned back walking slowly but she couldn’t hear anything but the thought "I will survive, I will be better than before".

Hello world,

Have you all noticed how Sou has been missing for sometime, she doesn’t blog or log online .. though by cunning means, I have managed to find out that she’s alive & kicking

Anyhow, During the last month I’ve been going forth & back from North Coast to Cairo with my partner almost every weekend and during my annual leave, It was so much fun but I still haven’t manage to get the tan I wanted *Sigh*

I’ve noticed something though, that none wears speedos anymore, I was the only guy on the beach who is wearing a speedo .. not to say I am muscled or athletic or anything.. I just like the feeling of a speedo while you’re swimming “it also makes you look a lil bit hotter”.

And to explain the reason I’ve been away for so long would be difficult though simple.. I have met someone & I am so much in love .. Actually I have met him the day I finished with my mourning, it seems to me like it’s my mother’s prayers that got us together, Any more details will have to wait for a little while

Yesterday was my cousin’s wedding.. She looked glamorous, beautiful & serene, I couldn’t stop myself from crying all through the first half of the wedding.. I cried because this was the little girl I used to play with, grow up with, fight with .. & I cried because my mother would have done anything to be at her wedding if she was alive.. To my mother, My cousin was a daughter .. My cousin almost cried at some point at the wedding when she saw tears in my eyes .. not to mention that all her friends were patting my shoulder *sigh* .. & they got me two brides “When you think it just can’t get worse!”

Have I told you guys that I stopped smoking two months ago ? & I started praying regularly ? .. It’s all about motivation, I guess

Je sais les hivers, Je sais le froid

Mais la vie sans toi , Je sais pas

This month is the 4th anniversary for The Thoughts Of Someone Different, This blog has been more than just a documentation of my life events, more than a mere outlet of all the steam working up inside me, more than a place where I can meet new people in the blogsphere .. It has been a companion to me.

& This particular celebration, the fourth year is being hard for me, It just shows me that some trivial things seem to survive for a long time craving to cause a difference in one’s life & eventually it does. While other things or people tend to cause all the difference from day one but the moment they leave, there’s only a huge void that’s very hard to fill.

Happy anniversary, my dear blog

My current perspective for life has been finally visualized, Let your imagination roam wild & make your own interpretations.

Visit my deviantart page for more graphics

Every movie we see, every story we’re told, implores us to wait for it; the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to rules. But sometimes we’re so focused on finding our happy ending, we don’t know how to read the signs, how to tell the ones who’re honest from the ones who are not, the ones who stay from the ones who leave.

Or maybe this happy ending does not include a wonderful guy, Maybe it is you, on your own, picking up the pieces & starting over, framing yourself out for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is just .. moving on.

Or maybe the happy ending is this .. through all the unreturned phone calls & the broken hearts, through all the blunders & misread signals, through all the pain & the embarrassment .. you never ever gave up hope.

From the movie “He’s just not that into you”

Avian flu has been causing a roar in all the medical & the political circles worldwide lately, however it recently came to my knowledge that there’s been 68 diagnosed cases in Egypt alone till now.

There’re various campaigns that are arresting people for harboring infected birds & there was even that accountant who stored 1,000 chicken which died of avian flu to be sold to the public for a cheaper price.

What most people do not know is that if the virus has mutated to causes human-to-human transmission rather than bird-to-human transmission only, Egypt will be put under quarantine & that means that all the airports will be closed & Egypt will be cut off the whole world, even the president won’t be able to get out.

& adding to the equation, the worldwide economic crisis, it is predicted that if a quarantine was held on Egypt, it will end into a famine because currently Egypt depends on importing food materials to put food on our tables & Of course, we will be receiving aid from the UN planes throwing food at us.

Unless proper measures to be taken to eliminate the random and the unlicensed bird-growing places along with proper health education to every single person living in this country & explaining the magnitude of the situation – This crisis is coming inevitably.

Another less serious problem nowadays is the swine flu, right now in the heart of Cairo there’re places where they breed pigs which represent a septic focus for spreading the less serious but possible-epidemic swine flu. Whether the avian flu virus will start being hosted in different animals than birds, we are not sure about this yet.

Although you might appalled by such information but this earth has been through way more serious conditions than that: atypical pneumonia, plague, cholera .. Yet humanity survived.

I know there’s no one of my target readers who are breeding a bird under his/her bed or something, but just in case if you are .. This isn’t exaggeration anymore .. The world is facing a pandemic.

Till Later

It’s been more than a week & I finally managed to pick up myself and move on & start coping with the new life I am having, Self-dependent, Self-sufficient & utterly alone.

Actually, Looking at it, I find out that this is an inevitable step for everyone, to be by his/herself & all throughout my entire life, I have been experiencing things at a younger age than I should have .. loss of my first parent, having my first sex, doing my first surgery, taking care of a sick family member .. and the list goes, so why should this be so different?

It’s that I’ve always had a safety net, someone to catch me when I fall.. not that I have been falling that much .. but it always felt good to know that you have someone to lean on when you are out of options, That someone is gone.. so I guess I’ll have to do without, Though I can’t deny it is a scary thought.

For people who don’t know me personally, I am 26, single, without any parents or siblings, I’m a doctor and I think I am kinda good looking .. I would have been the perfect catch for marriage except for the fact that I .. drive on the other side of the road

So, Every single family member, friends of the family are bumming me right now about the perfect solution to my problem & guess what, It happened to be to get married! As if I am just gonna go to the supermarket & ask for a loyal wife who is an excellent housewife!

People assume too much, they assume that I can’t live by myself .. but I can, I am actually used to it, My mother “God bless her soul” has been in & out of health care for so long that I have got used to cooking, cleaning up, doing laundry and still can keep a deadline on my working schedule.. I only have one problem, I feel empty, numb & lonely .. & marriage is not gonna solve this one.

I can’t deny that I feel guilty for being able to move on quickly, & by “move on” I mean returning to my normal life without having to cry whenever I visit any room in my apartment or burst in tears when I enter the ICU where mum died “I work there!”. I am not sure if I have strength inside me that I wasn’t aware of, Or is it true that doctors are really cold-hearted .. I couldn’t help but wonder, Is this normal? Is this how this particular loss is supposed to be?

Of course, during the first few days following my loss, my cell phone had to be recharged every 3 hours, lots & lots of calls.. & being an expert regarding such matters, I knew it wouldn’t be long before everything returns to its quiet routine .. Some things never change!

It might come as a surprise to you that I am blogging right now, It’s finally taken place, My beloved mother’s sufferings have come to an end, She passed away exactly four hours earlier.

Right now, I feel numb, relieved that her pain has gone away, I have mourned her since the day she was in the ICU, I could feel it happening, though it wasn’t as fast as I hoped it’d be.

“El Baka2 Lellah”, a social phrase I’ve never known the reply to, the impact it leaves is absolute numbness mixed with pain and you couldn’t help but let a tear drop.

Recently, I have been wishing death for my own mother, it was her best option within the current situation she’d to suffer, she couldn’t sleep, eat or even lie in bed comfortably .. It was the kind of life that would bring out sympathy from the hardest rock. So Yes, I am relieved!

Mum had one thing to tell me before she slipped into her last precoma, She made sure she told me to take care of my patients, to sit by them when in need .. She used to suffer the indifference of the nursing staff when none of the doctors were around, so she thought she’d make sure one of the doctors stick around at all times for the patients, her own son.

Right now, I am aware that it will hit me probably within a few days or a week & pain will just kick in like never before .. loneliness is not something anyone can endure for long .. Yet, I couldn’t help but wonder , Do I have the luxury of choosing?

May God bless her soul .. forgive all her sins “if there were any, An angel would be an understatement to describe her” .. May she rest in peace next to her only other love, my father.

I just thought I’d get all that energy out of me .. So .. I suppose I won’t be blogging for sometime, Or, I will be blogging intensely, I wouldn’t know right now

Till later, World